In Loving Memory

“Your first experience will help you acknowledge and release your anger. You have been hiding from it, denying that it exists. But it’s there and it will devour you if you don’t let it go. Who am I to say this to you? I am Hanako. My parents were burnt alive and I survived because my mother shielded me with her body. It was only when I confronted the shameful anger I harboured for being left alone like this that my spirit started to heal.”

Hanako stands in a pool of light wearing a black, sleeveless dress that finishes at mid-thigh, her lustrous hair styled in a high ponytail. She sees the surprise on her former classmates’ faces and takes pride in how far she has come since graduating from Yamaku. She had been uncertain when Rin explained her choice of clothing but when she said, “your words will mean a thousand times more if they can see you,” she was convinced. She found the experience liberating, her friends had displayed respect and admiration for what she had said and shown them. It felt good to do something for Hisao and Miki to repay the friendship they had shown her at Yamaku after Lilly had moved to Scotland.

The light fades and she joins them at the table. While she spoke, Lilly had quietly set a small dish and glass at each place. Seven were occupied; the eighth, Suzu’s, was laid out in exactly the same way as the others and was presented with the same food. This honoured her and emphasised her absence. There can be no denying that she is gone.

Hisao tries the food and finds it intensely spicy. He reflexively reaches for the drink and finds it cooling but salty. His anger rises, an instinctive response to the food and drink, the unsettling background music, Hanako’s words. He is about to speak when he hears Miki speak.

“She should have taken better care of herself. She should have known that she was sick. She should have given us time to make her better.”

He nods but doesn’t reply. Before being seated, Lilly encouraged them to speak whenever it felt right to do so but asked them not to respond to what others say. He understands the reason now: there is freedom in being able to say what you feel without fear of contradiction. Not that he found anything to disagree with Miki about, she expressed concisely and accurately the mess of angry feelings he had been struggling with. Eating, he concentrates on his anger, examines it, understands that it is irrational.

“She said she would finish reading Alice in Wonderland to me. I’ve been waiting for more than ten years to find out what happens next. Now I’ll never know,” Rin says sadly.

Hanako rises gracefully and clears the empty dishes from the table. Hisao takes his cue from this and walks to the spot where Hanako had spoken to them. Lilly had asked him to speak about what he would bargain for Suzu’s life after the first dish. He had given it a lot of thought and was sure of his bargain.

“Suzu should have lived a long life, should have seen her hard work turned into the success and recognition her talent deserved, should have lived out the twilight of her years surrounded by family. My life could end at any time: an unlucky jostle in a crowded street, a car backfiring, could trigger a fatal heart attack. I would bargain my life for Suzu’s, though Death would have to be a fool to accept it. I allowed myself to be selfish and make a life with her and Miki because I knew they would not be alone if I died early. Exchanging my life for Suzu’s would go some way to undoing the harm my selfishness has caused.”

He knows that discussing their triangular relationship could be risky but feels that it dishonoured Suzu’s memory not to acknowledge that that she had been an equal partner in all aspects of their lives. Miki’s approving nod shows him that she agrees with him, much to his relief, but her frown leaves him in no doubt that she will be having words with him later about his bargain. Sitting down he finds a medley of steamed bitter vegetables at his place, dressed in a foamy sauce that also tasts bitter but with a herbal aftertaste. He quickly understands the message being delivered: Death cannot be bargained with, trying to do so will leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Natsume feels Naomi start in surprise when she stands and walks to the focal point of the room; Lilly had been adamant about not revealing that she would be speaking at the event. “Depression has many causes including progressive illness and bereavement. Whatever the cause, depression can steal the joy you take in life, can make you neglect the ones you love, can stop you enjoying your favourite things. It can be hard to distinguish depression from sadness or despair, in the short term it doesn’t matter. I realise that’s a controversial thing to say, but what I mean is the instant you recognise that you’re suffering from any of the signs of depression, the first thing you must do is talk. Talk to your loved ones, talk to your doctor, talk to the crazy old man who shouts at leaves in the park. It doesn’t matter who, just talk.”

She walks back to her seat and is met by a kiss from Naomi. “If she had taken her own advice years ago I would have far fewer grey hairs!”

Natsume snorts and starts to eat the large rice ball that had been set at her place while she spoke. The outer layer is stodgy and bland, but as she makes her way to the centre the layers become lighter and more flavourful until, at the very centre, she finds a golden egg yolk. Again the message is clear: if you can work through depression things improve gradually until you finally emerge into a beautiful sunrise.

Once Lilly feels a gentle touch on her leg, she makes her way to where she knows a pool of light will appear. Rin had chosen a flowing white dress for her to wear, completing the outfit with white hair ribbons and white shoes. She explained that Lilly would look like an angel when she stood in the light.

“It is obvious to me from how people speak, descriptions in books that are designed to conjure images in the readers’ mind and the importance of ‘looking good’ that vision is our dominant sense. Yet it was only when I was old enough to read and to spend time with other children that I became aware that I could not see. I remember being frustrated that I didn’t know what ‘pink’ was and why the other little girls thought it was so amazing. Frustration turned to anger as I learned more about this important sense that I was lacking. I was told to accept that my blindness was part of God’s plan for me. I found that…difficult. As time went by I started to notice that I could hear better than most people, that I paid more attention to how things taste. My sense of touch is highly developed, describing the sensual feel of this silk dress against my skin would have me blushing. I will always regret my lack of sight, I would love to see what my dear friends look like, but I have come to accept it. Acceptance came when I stopped dwelling on what I didn’t have and appreciated what I do.”

Miki blinks back the tears in her eyes as she reaches towards Hisao on her left, seeing his eyes shining with unshed tears as they instinctively seek out each other. Reassured by the love she sees in his expression, she turns her attention to the tall glass in front of her. Taking a large spoonful of its contents, the taste of perfectly ripened raspberries explodes in her mouth, followed by the honeyed smoke of the flavoured cream and the nutty texture of toasted oats. It is such a joyful combination that she can’t help smiling, though there is a little sadness in her heart as she recognises how much Suzu would have enjoyed this dessert. Quickly finishing her portion, she is reaching for the accompanying glass of whisky when she sees Hanako standing up and raising her glass. “Absent friends,” she repeats in response to Hanako’s toast and drains her glass.

When Lilly announces that the formal part of the evening is over, Miki stands up. “Hanako, Lilly, I can’t thank you enough for arranging this. I also want to thank Natsume, Naomi and Rin for joining us, for giving Hisao and me the opportunity to remember Suzu with friends. I’m so glad that Hisao clarified that Suzu was not just a friend but an equal partner in our relationship. In many ways she was the centre, the hub that we revolved around. We’re still trying to come to terms with her loss and never has the line ‘take comfort in your friends’ felt more appropriate.” She bows deeply to them.

“I know that it’s a long time since we were last together, so it might seem odd for me to refer to you as friends. We must take a lot of the blame for that, the three of us have been very self-absorbed. But I would like to reboot our relationship and to find ways to work together to show the nation that their disregard of us cripples is not only unjust, but is detrimental to the country. We are not so large that disregarding any of our talent is a sensible option.”

She takes a deep breath and extends a hand to Hisao, pulling him close when he stands next to her. “What I, we, are going to tell you is rather sensitive. Much more so than the nature of our relationship because it very firmly treads on the toes of deeply ingrained prejudices. When Suzu was diagnosed with cancer-” her voice breaks and she clears her throat as Hisao squeezes her hand encouragingly. “When she was diagnosed with cancer and before she started chemo, we decided to have some of her eggs stored in a clinic in America. We are going to try to have Suzu’s child, with me carrying the baby.”

She lets the surprised murmurs die away before continuing. “Obviously we are not going to advertise the fact that its Suzu’s child. Also, to give the baby the best chance of fitting in, we’re going to get married.”

“That seems very…conventional compared to how you’ve been used to living,” Lilly notes.

“Yes, but it really is the best way to give Suzu’s baby the best chance in life. We talked about how odd it feels and I’m worried about not respecting her memory. But I think it’s what she had in mind when she insisted that we store her eggs. I think she knew she wasn’t going to make it and she wanted something of her to live on, wanted us to have something when she left.”

She hears Hisao’s ragged breath from containing his emotion and draws him close for support. “As if all that wasn’t enough, I’m going to retire from competition and try to transition into a social media celebrity.”

Naomi nods, “I can see you doing well at that. You’ve already got a following, you’re gorgeous, and your refusal to compromise with your disability gives you immediate credibility with the youth.”

“Thanks Naomi, you’re hot too,” she replies with a cheeky wink. “So I was thinking, why not take the opportunity to raise all of our profiles? I’m planning on making the wedding a high profile event, so why not have catering by Hanako and Lilly, coverage by Naomi and Natsume with photography courtesy of Misaki, visual design by Rin.”

“I don’t want a profile,” Rin says quickly. “I don’t like people knowing about me, that just leads to questions. Pointless questions, the answers are there to be seen.”

“On social media you share what you want and you control how much you interact,” Hanako says thoughtfully. “Wouldn’t you like to be the Bob Ross of YouTube?”

Rin fixes her with a steely glare. “Mr Ross once said, ‘If I paint something, I don’t want to have to explain what it is.’ Although we agree on that, I couldn’t change enough to do his memory justice.”

“We don’t do court-and-social style reporting,” Natsume says.

“Good! I don’t want that old school stuff.”

“I think I can see an angle that’d suit us Nat. Success in the face of shoddy treatment. A plucky group of school friends reunited by tragedy. Love triumphing against adversity.”

“Whatever works for you two, with the only proviso that you don’t include anything that might cause trouble for the baby.”

“How big an event were you thinking Miki? And Akira will skin me alive if I didn’t ask how it was to be paid for…” Lilly asks delicately.

Seeing Miki’s puzzled look, Hanako explains, “Akira is Lilly’s older sister and she runs the business.”

“She handles my affairs too because I don’t have any. Hands that is,” Rin adds. “Or affairs, now I think about it. Hisao, you seem to have some experience in the matter. Would you recommend that I have some? Affairs that is, I don’t think I’ll ever have hands.”

“Rin, I can honestly say that giving your heart to someone who gives you theirs in return is the best thing I’ve ever done. I don’t know about any other types of affairs.”

“Well when it comes to hearts, you’ve got more reason than most to be careful. I’ll have to add it to my list. I don’t suppose you two have a vacancy now?”

Rolling her eyes Miki says, “I don’t think that’s quite how it works Rin. Lilly, we don’t want a huge circus, just friends and family. I’m going to work on getting some endorsements but we can cover the cost if we need to. I don’t think something as intense as this has been would be appropriate for a wedding but I hear amazing things about your more conventional restaurants.”

Hanako nods, “yes, we can’t do many of these types of events a year. It takes a lot to pull all the different aspects together. Deciding what to create for each phase gave me more than a few sleepless nights.”

“Well thank you again for going to so much effort for us, despite not having seen us for many years. If it’s not rude, can I ask why you did? Not that I’m complaining at all, it was amazing,” Miki adds hastily.

“When Lilly left, you three did a wonderful thing for me. You treated me like a regular friend, spent time with me, played chess, talked about books, went out places. You’re teasing scared me at first Miki, but I soon realised it was just you being you, it’s how you treated everyone.”

“And you gave as good as you got by the time we graduated!” Miki says with a smile.

“You gave me the confidence to get involved with the newspaper club and that’s how I stopped trying to avoid this pair of ruffians and came to love their company,” she gestures to Natsume and Naomi. “I ended up believing in myself enough to pursue my real passion in life, cooking.”

“I’m not sure that the creations you put in front of us today can be called just ‘cooking’!” Hisao says.

“Her cooking is like my painting,” Rin adds. “I don’t need to ask her what she means when I eat something she has created, I find the answers when I see how it is presented, when I taste it. ”

Hanako blushes, “it means a lot to me to hear you say that. Creating is very personal to me, even after all these years it takes a lot out of me to put something new in front of someone. I can’t speak for Lilly but I’d like to be involved in your wedding, it would be a good way to keep in contact. I don’t want to have to wait another ten years before seeing you again!”

“Thank-you Hanako, and sorry again to have been out of touch for so long. Lilly, the last I knew you were off to re-join your parents. How come you’re back and working with Hanako?” Miki asks.

“I found the situation in Scotland…distasteful. As soon as I graduated from high school I took advantage of the college fund my father had set up to return to Japan for my degree and naturally I sought out Hanako as soon as I could. A very changed Hanako I must say, your friendship was a catalyst for a wonderful transformation. I became a foil for her creativity; as I mentioned I have very acute senses and my parents have taken me to many of the world’s best restaurants over the years. I was able to give her feedback on what did and didn’t work in her cooking. Then when we graduated from university and were looking around for what to do next, Akira decided that she’d had enough of working in Scotland too and we decided to try and make a go of a restaurant. We pooled all our money and opened a small place, slept in the attic, and slowly it snowballed to the business we have now. It turns out that I have an aptitude for managing our staff, allowing Akira to focus on extending the business and Hanako on her cooking.”

“That’s not a great surprise, Ms Class Rep!” Naomi laughs.

“I’ve never designed for someone who is hard and squishy. If you don’t make me work with other people and you accept how I see you, I’ll do it.”

Seeing Miki’s uncertain expression, Hanako reassures her. “I’ve never known her to be wrong. When she said I should wear this tonight I wasn’t sure to start with. Actually I was terrified, but she was right.”

“Yeah she was right.” Miki grins suddenly, “and who knew you’ve been hiding that body all these years!”

Rin nods, “one day she’s going to agree to sit for me. I won’t let her have her clothes back for weeks.”

“Rin! That’s really not convincing me to let you paint me!”

“You’ll give in one day, it would be a crime not to. And it would be a crime to let anyone else design for you Miki.”

“OK, thank you Rin, I look forward to seeing what you come up with.”

Natsume sees Naomi giving her a significant look. “You don’t have to glare at me Naomi, I was going to propose a deal.” At their puzzled looks, she continues. “I’m sure you noticed that Ikuno’s death was reported in the same issue of the newsletter as Suzu’s. She got in touch with us just days before she died.”

“Nat, Lilly and Rin don’t know why that might be important. We didn’t talk to anyone else at school about what happened.”

Nodding, Natsume continues, “yes, some context is important. Hisao and Miki noticed that Ikuno was behaving oddly, specifically she was was seen with several men, and talked to us. Their description of her behaviour made us think of the article we had written about the compensated dating scene involving Japanese schoolgirls and sure enough, once we set Hanako on the trail, she found Ikuno’s profile on a dating site. Naomi and Miki spoke to her about our concerns, offering her someone to talk to, and I understand it turned heated.”

Miki nods, “yeah I lost my temper at some of the bullshit she was coming out with and she blew up at us. Threatened to talk to the Principal if we ever went near her again.”

“Indeed, and as I’m sure you remember, I said that we should let things lie since Ikuno was so against accepting anything we offered in the way of help. That was only half true. What I didn’t say to anyone but Naomi was that I strongly suspected that the Principal was involved somehow and considered that it was safer for us to drop the matter.”

Lilly gasps, “Yamaku’s Principal involved in schoolgirl prostitution? How did you come to that conclusion?”

“It does sound improbable, but this was my thinking at the time. The Principal stopped us publishing an article on compensated dating, he said that such things were unfitting for Yamaku. After learning about Ikuno I believed that he didn’t want the topic raised, didn’t want people looking for signs of it amongst the student body. Ikuno was given a lot of latitude by the school authorities, she was never disciplined for ignoring curfew. If she really did have family responsibilities that kept her late, why didn’t she stay overnight with them and return early the next day? The final, most damming, thing was what Miki said about Ikuno threatening to involve the Principal. Given that we’d found her profile, why was she so confident that he’d take her side and not just expel her for bringing Yamaku into disrepute?”

“I can follow your thinking Natsume, but it’s only a theory, a rather far-fetched one at that,” Lilly says dismissively.

“Of course, that’s why I didn’t feel confident about pursuing it. We were in a vulnerable position, he could have expelled us for any made up reason. But since graduating I’ve often thought about this, I’ve felt guilty that I haven’t done anything to find out if this man has been exploiting vulnerable kids in his care. That feeling has got worse since he started to exploit his position as Yamaku’s Principal to get involved in politics. It’s been incredibly frustrating, we have suspicions that I think are well founded but no way to move forward with them. Until Ikuno contacted us,” she continues, an intense look in her mismatched eyes. “ ‘What I could tell you would cause a century of scandals.’ ” She grips Naomi’s hand tightly, feeling a reassuring warmth in response. “I hope she didn’t lose her life for telling us that.”

“Really Natsume, don’t you think that’s rather over dramatic?” Lilly asks.

“She died from an insulin overdose. The police are treating it as an accident or suicide. Hisao, you were at Yamaku for less than a year, what do you think about the accidental overdose theory?”

He shakes his head, “Nurse was very hot on making sure we knew our meds, our doses, inside out and back to front. I haven’t lost the habits he drilled into me so I can’t imagine someone who was there for three years making a mistake.”

“That leaves suicide as the most probable cause. Why are you even thinking about foul play? It seems to me that you’re making huge leaps from very little evidence.”

“Lilly-” Hanako begins.

“You should listen to the professionals, they are the ones in possession of the facts, the ones with the experience to make sense of-”

“Lilly!” Hanako repeats, loud enough to cut her off. “Tell them.”

With a sigh Lilly begins, “we inherited this restaurant when Hanako’s mentor, Mr Hanaya, retired. He said she was the only student he had trained worthy of its legacy. Along with the incredible honour comes a number of headaches, the biggest being the client list.”

“We host functions for some very publicity-shy individuals,” Hanako adds.

“On occasion we have requests for me to run front of house. I assume they believe that because I can’t see them, I can’t identify them. Which is ludicrous, it’s second nature for me to recognise people by their voice. Hence I know that some very highly ranked politicians have been here, sometimes in rather unsavoury company. One time I heard a voice I recognised from school but I was not able to recall the name. I told Hanako and she peeked when they were leaving.”

“It was Ikuno,” Hanako confirmed.

“Was that the only voice you recognised that evening?” Naomi asks.

“At the time it was. Later I recognised two of them from radio news programmes. One was a politician making a statement about resigning from the government but denying sexual harassment. The other was a defendant at that big Yakuza trial a couple of years ago.”

“Well, that confirms Ikuno was moving in rarefied circles. Why were you so resistant to the idea of foul play?”

Seeing Lilly hesitate, Hanako replies, “she’s very protective, always wanting to mother people, keep them from harm.”

“Yes, thank-you Hanako! There is a grain of truth in that.” Hearing Hanako’s snort she admits, “alright, more than a grain. Feel free to laugh at me but after recognising the company she was keeping that evening, I felt a responsibility to warn her. Of course I had no contact details for her so there was nothing I could do. But it has been at the back of my mind and hearing you talk about her made me feel guilty. I suppose I do not want to face up to having failed her.”

“No-one is going to laugh at you Lilly, you’re not the only one who feels that way. Natsume always says that we’re not responsible for the actions of bad people. She’s right of course, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty at times. How were they treating her? Could you tell anything from how they were speaking to her?”

“Thank-you Naomi. I was not in the room with them very much but the little I heard made it seem that they were treating her as an honoured guest. I am remembering a predatory tone in the politician’s voice but I can not be sure that it truly was there or if I am embellishing my memories based on knowledge I acquired subsequently.”

“When I saw her she had become much more interesting than she was at school. I wanted to collect her as she was leaving Department H but I was on a bombing run with Wanto and didn’t want to break the flow. The outfit she was wearing looked better on her than on the cow that donated it.”

“What language are you speaking Rin?” Miki asks with a puzzled look.

“I’m assuming you mean Ikuno was wearing leather?” Naomi asks.

“Dried blood leather. Not that much of it, skin tight.”

“Dried blood?”

“Hex 4C0A0A. Rusty red brown. Dried blood.”

“Was she with anyone?”

“Big man in a bad suit, sunglasses at 2am, not much left of the little finger on his left hand. Some people don’t appreciate what they’ve got, I’d never treat a finger like that.”

“Yakuza again. How would you describe her bearing?”

“Confusing, a lion pretending to be a lamb.”

“Are you two going to explain what you’re talking about or should the rest of us go home and leave you to it?” Miki asks, exasperated.

“Hang on, I’ll try to clarify but I’d like to know when you saw her Rin?”

“It was the height of blossom season, but I can’t say which one.”

“Well I suppose it doesn’t really matter. OK what I understand is that Rin was out in central Tokyo at 2am in spring. What were you doing Rin?”

“Art.”

“Art?”

“Art.”

“She was doing art.” Naomi shrugs. “She saw Ikuno but didn’t talk to her because it would have disrupted the…art. Ikuno was accompanied by what looked like a Yakuza heavy and had just left Tokyo’s longest established fetish club. Despite being dressed in a revealing leather outfit she was poised and confident, comfortable with the rôle she was playing. There was a touch of contempt in her for those she considered tourists to the scene, who visit a club once or twice a year and live the rest of their lives in suburban mediocrity, though it was well concealed.”

“You’ve just repeated what I said. What was the point of all those words?”

“Well I actually understand now,” Miki says. “That’s quite a talent you’ve got Naomi, turning those few words into a scene that I can picture.”

“Yes, I’ve got a vivid picture of what Rin saw but I’m not sure what it means,” Hisao agrees.

“Then stop imagining Ikuno in skintight leather and start thinking!”

“That’s a bit harsh Nat, we haven’t told them what your contact in the coroner’s office told you.”

“He’s totally imagining her in that outfit,” Miki laughs, running her hand through his hair and leaning in for a kiss.

“I’m not dignifying that with a response! What did you learn from your contact?”

“Two things. She had marks on her body consistent with traditional tight binding practices. That’s not particularly surprising, it’s almost part of the national psyche by now and the aesthetic aspects of kinbaku have crossed into the mainstream. I imagine that most couples have dabbled at some point.”

“My my, speaking of bondage as commonplace. Am I the only one feeling inadequate? My relationship with a nice salaryman seems rather…staid.”

“Its not a competition Lilly, whatever makes you happy. We found the second one more disturbing. Apparently she had extensive scarring on her body, they thought that a scalpel was used but sharp blades are another part of our national psyche.”

“Shiny cobwebs on her skin,” Rin agrees.

“Blood red leather,” Hanako says thoughtfully.

“We seem to be coming to the conclusion that Ikuno made a living from offering specialised sexual services. If she was then it is very likely that she would have been involved with the Yakuza, and from what Lilly and Rin told us it seems that she was. We could also infer from what Lilly said that she was being used as a negotiating piece with politicians, or maybe as a honey trap. We could interpret what Rin saw as meaning that she was, well I don’t want to say happy with her life, perhaps that she accepted her nature and took pride in it.”

“Very good Hisao, thinking with your brain instead of your other organs! You’ve already given us your thoughts on accidental overdose as cause of death, what about suicide?”

Rolling his eyes at Natsume’s jibe, he rubs his face. “I’m not sure I can get into her mindset well enough to answer that. Let’s assume that she was a pawn of the Yakuza. Given the level of access she seemed to have provided them I doubt she would have had any material needs. She would have been too valuable to mistreat, but at the same time too valuable to be left unsupervised. I don’t know if she would have tired of life as a bird in a gilded cage eventually. Oh, she contacted you didn’t she?” Seeing Natsume nod, he continues, “that makes me think that she wanted to make changes, maybe wanted to take control rather than having her life run for her. I’m a mathematician not a psychiatrist, but that doesn’t seem to me to fit the profile of someone thinking of ending their life.”

“It’s good to hear someone else’s reasoning.”

“Particularly when it agrees with yours, right Nat?”

“I think we can all agree that there are a lot of unanswered questions concering Ikuno’s life and that her death, however it happened, is very sad. But I’m not sure how she relates to the deal you mentioned Natsume.”

She hesitates before answering, “nor am I now, Hisao. I was going to propose that we share any information we had about Ikuno and ask you all to talk to anyone you thought might be able to throw some light on the matter. In return I would have agreed to cover your wedding in our own way. while respecting your concerns about the baby. I was hopeful that between us we would have some parts of the Ikuno puzzle but I was not expecting to learn quite as much as I have. I wanted,” she shakes her head, “I want to find out if Yamaku’s Principal is pimping out the children he is supposed to be responsible for and I saw Ikuno as a way to get a handle on that. But it looks like she moved deeper into the sex industry unlike the majority of girls who literally grow out of it when they leave school. The clientele tends to like their girls young. Very young,” she says with a grimace. “We’ve always tried to steer clear of stories that are overtly tied to the Yakuza. It’s impossible to avoid them completely in the type of work we do, but for our longterm health we try not to attract the attention of the bigger cartels.”

“Maybe it’s time not to be so careful Nat, attitudes are changing. They’re not the force they used to be.”

“That’s true, but they’re still deeply entwined with the highest authorities and it’ll be more than a few more generations before that ends. But you’re right, their wings are being clipped. I am nervous about Ikuno’s situation though, what Lilly told us indicates that she was moving in the very highest circles.”

“What if the Principal still had his claws in her? You said he was breaking into politics, what if he was using her as an entrée into the upper echelons?”

“That’s one of the things I’m worried about, we could be getting into a real nest of vipers. But it’s been nagging at me for years, what if my failure to act, my cowardice, has allowed him to continue poisoning the lives of vulnerable girls?”

“You’ve never been a coward Natsume, you faced down anyone and everyone at school. I’ve read your articles, your work hits hard and takes no prisoners. Of course you have to take care of your personal security. I know all about that, you wouldn’t believe the wackos I attract. But that’s not cowardice, that’s just making sure you’ll be around to keep fighting.”

“Thank-you Miki, it’s reassuring to hear that from someone like you. I doubt myself at times.” She sighs, “but I don’t know where to go with this. We were going to meet Ikuno and listen to her story, from school to the present. If what she told us implicated the Principal we’d have been on to him like a flash. If not, we would have done a profile and exposé, and my mind would be at rest. Now we can’t do either.”

“The police are going to take the path of least resistance and find that Ikuno died from an accidental overdose. They always want to close cases like this as soon as possible and she doesn’t have an influential relative or partner to kick up a fuss and get a proper investigation. I’m not OK with that. What we’ve figured out this evening leaves me with very little doubt that she was killed. And yes Nat, I know I shouldn’t, but I feel guilty. If she hadn’t reached out to us maybe she would still be alive.” She hold her hands up to cut Natsume’s response off. “Yes yes, too many unknowns to know for sure, but it’s how I feel and there’s nothing you or anyone else can say to change that.”

“You think she wanted to change again,” Rin says, a statement rather than a question. “She had changed a lot when I saw her, become much more Ikuno than she was at school. It was a good change but you think there was more to come and now she can’t, she is stuck between what she was and what she wanted to be and she needs some help to let her be what she wants to be. I want to help her.”

“Rin, you understand that she’s dead?” Hanako asks tentatively.

“Of course, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t need help.”

“What sort of help are you thinking of?”

“I don’t know much about helping, but doesn’t it help people to understand them? To learn their story?” The yearning in her usually expresionless voice catches everyone’s attention. “I know a lot of street artists. No-one pays attention to us, but we see and we remember. There might be enough of her story in our memories for me to understand her well enough to paint the Ikuno she wanted to become. She was an artist, her realm was the senses, we should remember her.”

“I don’t know if it helped Suzu but remembering her, telling some of our story tonight has helped me.” Seeing Hisao nod in agreement, Miki adds, “helped us.”

“If you do learn more of her story, will you tell us Rin?” Naomi asks.

Grimacing, she replies, “I’d rather show you but I can try to tell you.”

“Is there someone who understands you Rin? Someone who knows your story?” Lilly asks gently.

“I don’t know. Maybe. No.”

“Then I would be honoured to hear your story, to try and understand.”

Rin’s answer is slow to come. “It would be difficult. You use words, I use images. We find it hard to communicate anything meaningful.”

“That is something we would have to work out, but surely it is better to try than not try?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. Yes. Perhaps I’ll learn to be better with words, that wouldn’t be a bad change.”

Standing up, Miki says, “I haven’t retired yet and I’m due on the track tomorrow so I think I’ll call it a day. I have to say that I’m feeling quite overwhelmed. Finding old friends, feeling accepted, remembering Suzu. Your support for my crazy idea for launching us into the spotlight. And Ikuno. I never got to know her really, I sat next to her for years but we just never clicked, we were too different. Despite that I want some resolution for her. Maybe its the Yamaku effect, the old school spirit, whatever. I’m not sure what I can do, but I know all sorts of people so I’ll see what I can shake out.”

“Yes, it is getting late and isn’t it our turn to go to the markets early tomorrow Hanako? Give me a moment and I will call the cars round.”

“Before we set off, can I confirm that we all know how to contact each other?” Natsume asks. They quickly establish that Rin is the only one whose details have yet to be shared.

“I don’t contact people. People don’t contact me. Except Hanako and she calls when I’m busy. How do you know just the right time to call so that you interrupt me at the worst possible moment? Or do I mean just the wrong time?”

Laughing, she replies, “you’re always busy. It doesn’t matter when I call you, the first thing you say is that I’m interrupting something important.”

“That sounds right, there’s no point doing unimportant things.”

“I was thinking that we should get together regularly, keep in touch, share stories.”

“Kids use group chat on their smartphones for stuff like that these days,” Hisao suggests.

“Who even knows how to do that?” Naomi asks rhetorically. “Besides I’d like to spend time with you guys, have some nice food, a few drinks.”

“Finding times when we are all available might be difficult, but I agree that meeting in person is preferable. Ah, it sounds like the cars have arrived, I’ll bid you good night.”

With a chorus of goodbyes and promises to meet soon, the group disperses into the Tokyo night.

Hisao closes the door behind them with a sigh of relief, slips off the uncomfortable formal shoes and loosens his tie. “That was one hell of an evening.”

Miki nods, “yeah. It was really good to see them after so many years. I’d say Lilly and Rin haven’t changed much, just grown into themselves if you see what I mean. Naomi’s added a layer of sophistication to the pixie thing she had going on, but Natsume’s looking a bit ragged around the edges. I hope she’s taking care of herself. Hanako was the big surprise though.”

“Yeah, that dress was amazing!”

She looks at him in amusement. “And by that you mean what was inside the dress was amazing. You’ll get no argument from me. Hisao, you know I’m a woman with insatiable appetites…”

Rolling his eyes, he reaches for the phone. “Pizza or Chinese?”

“Pizza! The food tasted amazing but the portions were kinda small. Especially since I’m eating for two now. Well, not now but soon. Eventually. Just shut up and order the food!”