A Sorrow Shared

Natsume starts the laborious process of working through her inbox. The usual assortment of trash emails, threats and angry denunciations are deleted without a second thought. She flags a couple of messages from agencies to look at later and spots the latest Yamaku alumni newsletter. Settling back with a sigh she grabs her coffee mug and starts to browse through it. After a while she stiffens and calls out, “Naomi!”

“Nooo,” comes the sleepy reply from the bedroom.

“Did you know that Suzu died?” She hears Naomi swear as she stubs her toe in her haste to join her.

“Suzu?”

“Yeah, in our class at Yamaku. You must have read at least one of her book reviews.”

“Of course, it’s just a surprise. She’s so young, was so young. How did you find out?”

“I’m reading the Yamaku newsletter, there’s an obituary and a quote from Hisao.”

“Just when her career was taking off, it feels so unfair. I never would’ve thought that she’d be the first of our classmates to go. I wonder why Hisao was quoted? I would have expected something from Miki. I guess they’re still together then.”

“Suzu’s reviews were very insightful, rigorous but accessible. I’m going to miss seeing how she would have developed.”

“Miki’s obviously got a high profile, but I haven’t heard anything about Hisao since school.”

Natsume snorts, “obviously you’re not keeping up with medical physics research, he’s been developing mathematical tools for modelling electrical processes in the human body. His publications get a lot of citations so I think it’s significant work.”

Naomi kisses Natsume on the neck as she leans over to read the article. “Cancer! I thought it would have been something related to her narcolepsy.”

“Look at what he’s written, it seems they missed warning signs because she was used to being tired all the time. Oh Hisao, so brave, so like you to try to get people to look after themselves. Don’t know about you, I’m scheduling a check-up as soon as I can.”

“Do we have contact details for him? I’d like to send my condolences.”

Natsume gives her a sideways look, “and, knowing you, find out why he was quoted instead of Miki.”

Naomi pouts, “you’re curious too! But I do want to give him my best wishes, he was always kind and thoughtful to us, the nicest of the boys in our class by far.”

“I’ll get up one of his publications, it’ll have an email address for him.” As she is about to switch to a browser, she spots a small notice under Suzu’s obituary. “Oh shit, Ikuno’s dead too!”

“No, she can’t be! I was in contact with her just three days ago!”

“It’s a last minute addition, it says there will be a proper obituary in the next edition. I don’t know whether to be impressed or scared by how well informed they are…”

Naomi hugs Natsume tightly. “Do you think it has anything to do with what she was talking to us about?”

Natsume shakes her head. “We shouldn’t speculate until we know how she died.” She draws back and looks sternly at Naomi. “You know we did nothing. We can’t take the blame if it was foul play, it’s never our fault if bad people do bad things.”

Naomi sighs, “yes of course, but I find it really difficult when people get hurt when we-”

“What’s the alternative though? Letting these maggots continue to eat society from the inside is far worse, causes much more harm in the long run.”

“I know, I’m still working with you right? If I thought we did more harm than good I’d take one of the offers I get from the celebrity mags. But you can’t tell me that you don’t feel bad at times?”

“Never! Does a surgeon feel bad for cutting a tumour out?”

“I wish I had your certainty. You’ve always been the strong one.”

Natsume shakes her head, “no, I’m rigid, brittle. You sway in the wind, yield but never break. It’s a different type of strength, don’t ever think you’re weak. We complement each other so well, it’s why we’re such a good team. It’s why I love you so much.”

Naomi kisses her gently, “always with the right words. I love you too. Reading that,” she points to the screen, “is making me think about how I’d cope if I lost you. I can’t bear the thought-”

“Nor can I, I don’t want to think about it. I’m going to get a proper check up as soon as I can. Will you do the same, for me?” When Naomi nods, she sighs and says, “thank-you. I’ll get contact details for Hisao and we’ll send him a message. Then once we’ve taken care of the living we’ll try and find out what happened to Ikuno.”

Hanako sips her tea as she reads the Yamaku Alumni newsletter. She frowns when she comes to Suzu’s obituary and grabs her phone. “Lilly, Hanako here. Are you sitting down? No, it’s not a problem with our business. Do you remember Suzu, one of my classmates at Yamaku. Yes, the sleepy one.” She rolls her eyes. “She passed away recently, there’s an obituary in the latest Yamaku Alumni newsletter. I got it by email, your braille edition probably won’t arrive for a few days. How do I feel? A bit shaken, I didn’t know her that well but it’s always a shock when someone you know passes on. I wouldn’t have called except that there’s a quote from Hisao in the obituary, he must have been close to her.” She listens for a while. “Probably, though it’s not nice to call Miki ‘the stumpy one’. I have fond memories of Hisao too. He must be feeling awful, can you think of anything we could do for him? Host a memorial service? I like that idea. No I don’t have contact details for him, but leave it with me, I’ll let you know when I’ve tracked him down. Yes, I’ll liaise with Akira.”

Hisao sits in his office at home, waiting for his PC to boot up, thankful yet again for the flexibility his research position affords him. As long as he continues to secure research grants he has no other schedule than his own. His Dean is very happy with both the amount of money he has brought in and the prestige his publications have brought to the faculty. As is his habit, he opens his email and scans through to see if anything needs his immediate attention. Two messages catch his attention and he reads them quickly. “Miki, come and have a look at this.”

She comes in munching a croissant, wearing training kit. Despite having seen her countless times over the last decade, Hisao can’t help but admire her lean, curvy body. “Stop drooling, it’s not a good look,” she says, kissing him to show that she’s teasing. “You better not have lured me in here for something sordid.”

“Not immediately… We’ve got a couple of emails about Suzu, one from Naomi and Natsume, the other from Hanako.”

Miki smiles, “I wish I’d stayed in contact with Natsume, she’s one hell of a woman. Most people thought Shizune was the alpha bitch but I saw her back down many a time when Natsume got started on her.” She quickly reads their message. “Well that was lovely.”

“Were you good friends with them? They seem keen to know how you’re getting on.”

“It was more mutual respect thing than close friendship. I think they’re fishing, trying to find out why you were interviewed for the newsletter rather than me. Last they knew, Suzu and me were besties. What’s Hanako got to say?” Hisao opens her email and sits back to let Miki read. “A memorial service in their Tokyo restaurant? Wow, that’s a generous offer.”

“Suzu was atheist through and through, I’d be uncomfortable with anything religious, it’d feel disrespectful to her.”

“Services are for the living, but I take your point. Maybe tell her we’d prefer to have a meal with some of our classmates and remember Suzu, catch up with each other.”

He nods, “yeah that would be better. I like how us Yamaku graduates look out for each other when the shit hits the fan.”

“Not only in the bad times, you know I was planning on getting in touch with them about the wedding, the publicity will be good for them too. Since I’m here, can I read the obituary?”

“Oh yeah, I haven’t read it either.”

Miki sits on Hisao’s lap and they hold each other tight as they read. “Beautiful,” she whispers. “Did they quote you accurately?” When he nods she kisses his cheek, feeling his tears against her lips. “That was well said, if just one person gets themselves checked out you’ve done a fine thing.”

“I don’t want to have done a fine thing,” he sobs, “I just want her back.”

She pulls him tight, “I do too but it’s not an option, so you do what you can.”

“I keep expecting to see her when I walk into a room. I find myself starting to tell her something and then I realise she’s not there. She’ll never be there.”

“I know. When grandpa died, grandma said one of the hardest things was not being able to talk about him. I understand her now, at least we can talk about Suzu, keep her memory alive.”

He nods, starting to calming down. “The grief comes and goes, the worst part is feeling guilty when something makes me happy. I know it’s stupid, she wouldn’t want that.”

“The worst thing for me is feeling guilty for wanting you.”

“Yeah, that too. She wouldn’t resent us finding joy in each other, she’d be cheering us on. I know it in my head but, my heart disagrees.” He pauses to wipe his eyes. “What did you think of her grave?”

“I thought it was beautiful. I know I’ve not exactly had anything good to say about her parents and I’ll always resent the way they pushed us out when Suzu died, but they must be going through the same hell that we are. Maybe one day they’ll be able to talk to me, I’d love to tell them about the wonderful woman Suzu grew into, the woman they never really knew.”

“Once again I’m humbled by your generous heart.”

“Oh hush, you know that competing has taught me not to dwell on the negative. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m sure I felt her presence at the grave. There was such a surge of joy when I thought about having her child, the marriage, I’m convinced she’s smiling down on us and giving us her blessing.”

He hugs her tight. “As a man of science I’m supposed to say that’s superstitious nonsense, but I felt something too. I want to believe that she’s cheering us on and it’s not just wish-fulfilment.”

Miki stands and pulls Hisao onto his feet and into her arms. “Come on, let’s try and find some of the joy you were talking about while she’s smiling on us. Maybe we’ll be in the proper frame of mind to send replies after.”

Hanako divides her latest recipe between Lilly and Akira’s plates and sits down to watch how they respond. Lilly’s face always gives her the most honest reaction, unfiltered by tact or diplomacy. Her rapturous look makes Hanako smile in relief.

“What did you change? This is heavenly!”

“You know that I’d have to kill you if I told you,” she giggles.

“And that would be bad for business,” Akira replies, finishing their running joke.

“I want this to leave them uplifted, reinforcing the good memories and giving thanks for her life rather than dwelling on its loss.”

“Yes,” Lilly says thoughtfully, “we should pair it with a botrytis sémillon wines and change the background music to something uplifting.”

“Subtly change the colour temperature of the lights to something warmer,” Akira adds. “You two are going to a lot of effort for a girl you have seen for years… OK, OK, I know, I wasn’t at Yamaku so I don’t understand the ties you have. But I do understand business and this is costing a lot.”

“Money isn’t everything sister dear, but if you’re desperately worried I think we’ll be able to offer something similar as one of our experience packages. An aging population means there’s a lot of money in funerals and memorials.”

“Besides its a way for me to do something for Hisao and Miki. You know what a big role Hisao played in bringing me out of my shell and Miki was challenging in a good way, a way I needed at the time. I’m excited to see them again, it’s just a shame that it’s taken a tragedy to bring us together.”

Akira shrugs, “hey, I’m just the one with a bit of business savvy that keeps you two creatives from going off the rails. Tell me where you want to go and I’ll do my best to get you there.”

Hanako smiles fondly at her as she shakes her head, “you’re far more than that, we’d still be dreaming our lives away in regular jobs if you hadn’t taken a chance on us, given up your secure career against the wishes of your parents and turned our wild ideas into a very profitable business.”

“It’s a partnership,” Lilly agrees, “a synergy where we each contribute what we do best and hold each other to the highest standards.”

Akira laughs, “you two saved me from a dead end, I was bumping up against the glass ceiling and chafing at the bit for more responsibility, the opportunity to spread my wings. I’m just glad it’s worked out, I never told you how scary it was to have you two expecting me to make your crazy ideas work, I was flying by the seat of my pants, making it up as I was going along. But I’ve never felt more alive, I wasn’t born to toe the corporate line any more than you two were.”

Lilly reaches out towards her sister, who takes her hand with a smile. “I suppose we should get in touch with Rin, run the visuals by her.”

Noting the reluctance in her voice, Hanako replies, “yes! I know you find her hard to deal with but no-one else comes close to tying all the elements together. She might not be a core part of the team but we’d be less effective without her. I’ll see if she’s free now.”

Rin looks in annoyance at the ’phone as she is about to leave her apartment, dressed in black with a messenger bag slung over her shoulder. Only the the caller-id showing Hanako’s number stops her from walking out of the door. With a sigh she slips a sandal off and presses the answer button. “Of course it’s me, who else were you expecting? I have no idea what I’ll be doing tomorrow morning, ask me tomorrow afternoon and I’ll tell you. What about my calendar? Oh, alright.” She checks the date and walks over to the large calendar on her wall. “Nothing. I’m doing nothing tomorrow morning.” Satisfied with her answer, she presses the end button.

Retrieving her sandal, she turns to leave when the phone rings again. “Hanako, I’m about to be busy and I answered your question. Oh. Well my calendar says I could come along tomorrow, but I don’t always do what it tells me. Not that it speaks. What? A new experience menu? Hisao? Suzu? Alright, but not too early. Half eleven is fine.” After ending the call she stares at the ’phone for a moment, daring it to ring again. When it stays silent she slips out into the Tokyo night, on her way to meet up with Wanto and the other members of 246.

“Oh my Nat, look at this.” Naomi holds up a very formal invitation card. “I’ve only ever heard rumours about this place, no-one I know has actually been there. To think that Hanako and Lilly run it!”

“What a rigmarole! Strict dress code, no phones, no cameras or other recording devices, we will be picked up and taken to the venue. It’s just a restaurant for goodness sake!”

Naomi looks sternly at Natsume. “It’s not ‘just a restaurant’! Never mind the fact that you have to be invited to eat there, the food is supposed to be only one element of a complete sensory package and it’s said that they never repeat themselves. It’s extraordinarily generous of them to do this in memory of Suzu.”

“If I remember right, it’s supposed to seat eight. I wonder who else will be there?”

Shrugging, Naomi replies, “Apart from Hisao and Miki? I wonder if Hanako and Lilly will participate or officiate. Suzu wasn’t that outgoing, I can’t think of many other people she was close to at school. Anyway, we’ll find out in a week. In the meanwhile, back to business. We’ve got four potential commisions with two that will need Misaki’s input, one that will require us to travel to America, and one that’ll need a very deep dive into the national library. I hate long journeys and the thought of being locked up in the stacks is not exactly enticing at this time of year.”

“Agreed. Tell me about the other two.”

“The first wants us to get inside one of the crews responsible for the graffiti epidemic in Tokyo.” Seeing Natsume grimace she says, “yeah, not really our thing. I have no contacts even remotely associated with that scene. It’s a shame for Misaki though, this type of photography is right up her street, she’d carry the article with her images.”

“Pass the details on to her, she can get a head start on the photo work for whoever they get to write the article. What’s the last one?”

“A look behind the scenes of the luxury holiday industry, exposing the conditions of the casual labour it depends on.”

“Perfect. Not only do we get to expose scumbags, but we do it in the lap of luxury! Pack that string bikini you’ve got hidden in your drawer, we’ll need some eye candy for Misaki to shoot,” Natsume says with a wicked grin.

Blushing, Naomi says, “no way are you going to put my backside in another article!”

“But it’s such a splendid backside, it’ll double our readership and no-one will ever know it’s you.”

“I’ll know it’s me! If you’re so keen on the idea, how about we use yours?”

“You’ve got all the looks in this relationship, no-one wants to see my bony arse and knobbly knees.”

Catching a hint of bitterness in her voice, Naomi walks over and kisses her deeply. “It’s my favourite arse in the world. Anyway, our work doesn’t need prettying up to make an impact, I say we leave the visuals to Misaki. I will take the bikini though, strictly for our down times,” she says with a cheeky wink.

“Let me tell you what I’ve found out about Ikuno. The word is she died due to complications arising from an insulin overdose. She was found unconscious in Aoyama Cemetery by someone who was visiting a grave and died without regaining consciousness two days later. My contact is saying that they’re treating it either as an accident or a suicide. There were no marks on her body to indicate any sort of struggle and there were no other fingerprints on the empty insulin pen.”

Naomi frowns, “I don’t remember if she had to inject when she was at school. I’m certain I never saw her, but that doesn’t mean anything, I never really spent any time with her. Nurse will never let his guard down enough to violate patient confidentiality, but our woman on the inside might be able sneak a look at the records.”

“I wish all our contacts would work for parfaits! From what I’ve read most diabetics end up having to inject insulin, so it won’t mean anything if she didn’t need to at school. I haven’t had any luck so far in finding out who her doctor was, let alone whether she was being prescribed injected insulin.”

“We know where she lived right? I can do some legwork in the area, talk to pharmacists, see if I can find where she got her meds.”

“Good, I’ve got a recent photo you can have. I’m not buying accidental overdose. Anyone who went to Yamaku, who survived Nurse, knows better than that, is trained better than that. Her credit history is immaculate so we can probably rule out financial pressure as a driver for suicide. That leaves depression and social isolation as the most likely causes if she did take her own life.”

“If I can find her pharmacist I’ll ask whether she was on anti-depressants and see if they can tell me anything about her frame of mind. Social isolation though… When Miki and I spoke to her about the dating thing she said she was lonely, but at the same time she pushed us away. I think I only saw her twice more after she changed class. Which makes it all the more surprising that she contacted us recently.”

“ ‘What I could tell you would cause a century of scandals.’ I can’t decide if she was mixed up in something very shady and was killed to keep her quiet, or she was mentally ill and ended her own life.”

Naomi nods, “we’ve been contacted by so many crackpots, it’s hard to believe anyone when they say they’ve got a massive story for us. One day…”

“One day…” Natsume echoes. “Maybe this is it. We just have to keep doing what we do best: collecting tiny pieces of the puzzle and fitting them together until we see the big picture.” A quiet tone from her computer alerts Natsume to a new email which she opens eagerly when she sees who sent it. “Apparently she has faint abrasions on her torso, upper arms and upper legs, consistent with natural fibre ligatures.”

“Interesting but not necessarily evidence to support her statement. You know how much I enjoy your brand of tight binding…”

“How about this. ‘Her torso is a tracery of fine scars, the cuts inflicted by an extremely sharp cutting instrument such as a scalpel.’ ”

“Again, interesting but not conclusive. But it does give us a new avenue to investigate.” She adopts a meek expression, but the twinkle in her eyes betrays her excitement. “This one would be honoured for Mistress to show her off in the clubs.”