Three of a perfect pair

It is a long, hot day, but not so hot that Miki skips training–or lets Hisao skip either. It is a day when hot showers are suffocating but cold showers are deceptive: minutes later you are just as warm as you ever were. It is a day for lukewarm showers, for drip-drying, for hiding in your room, curtains closed, air conditioning doing its wheezing best to keep you cool.

On this day, as the sun starts to make its reluctant departure, Miki lies on her bed wearing just a pair of lacy white hip-huggers. Hisao, less elegant in navy boxers, is working on a stiff spinal erector. Without warning the door crashes open and a grumpy Suzu stomps in.

“For fuck’s sake Suzu, we’re practically naked!”

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“Because you barged in without knocking last time too!”

“That’s your fault. If you didn’t want me here, you would have locked the door.”

“That’s not how the whole ‘privacy’ thing works, princess. You arrive at the door, knock firmly and wait politely. If there is no answer you wait an appropriate amount of time before knocking again. If there is still no answer, you FUCK OFF!”

“But I’m booooooored!”

“What do you expect me to do about it?”

“Nice panties by the way.”

“Aren’t they!” Hisao says enthusiastically. “I got her a pair in red too. I can’t decide which I pref-”

“We are not discussing my intimate apparel! Suzu, what do you want?”

Suzu thinks for a moment. “What you’re doing looks fun, you can let Hisao have a go on me.”

“It’s not fun, it’s therapeutic.”

“Well it is sort of fun.” Feeling Miki tense under him, he hastily adds, “but mostly therapeutic. Tell you what, go and do ten laps of the track and and I’ll see what I can do for you.”

“Are you mad? Go outside in this weather? I don’t think so.”

“OK so there’s nothing you want. Thanks for dropping by, lovely to see you, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

Suzu goes limp and slumps to the carpet.

“She didn’t?” Miki says in disbelief.

“She did,” Hisao confirms.

“That’s two nights in a row!” Miki slips on a white tank-top and goes to check her. Fully aware that Hisao is watching intently, she adds an extra sway to her hips. After settling Suzu into a more comfortable position she grabs a spare pillow from the closet and puts it under her head. Seeing her care for Suzu, Hisao has a vision of an older Miki; a challenging, protective, but above all loving mother. He decides that this is not the right time to risk castration and keeps it to himself.

“Is it worth trying to wake her?”

Shaking her head, she walks back to the bed and straddles his lap. “You saw how pointless that was yesterday.”

They lean into each other, foreheads touching. Miki runs her hand through his hair and slings her other arm round his neck, gently stroking his ear with her stump. He slips his hands under her tank-top and caresses her back.

“Those hands…” she whispers, eyes closing in pleasure.

“Why do you think she’s being so… clingy?!”

“I think she’s feeling lonely. No, left out.”

He frowns, “left out of what?”

Holding him close and kissing him affectionately, she says, “I was really happy when you told me that you accepted in your heart that you weren’t my first.”

He has learned that, although her thoughts can dart off in odd directions, she eventually gets to the point. “It took a while. My head accepted it but I was still a little insecure, especially as you were my first. Once I understood that you’ll never cheat it clicked into place. It doesn’t matter what happened before, we’re together now.”

She shudders. “Too right I’ll never cheat, I’ve seen how fucked up that is. If I decide it’s over I’ll look you in the eye and tell you straight, and maybe offer you a quickie for old time’s sake.”

He laughs, “I’d like to say that I’d do the same for you, but I can’t imagine ever wanting to end it.”

“There’s no point in talking about who and when ‘cos it’s in the past, but I’ll make an exception for our sleepy friend over there.”

“You and Suzu used to be an item?” Hisao asks, surprised.

She shakes her head. “Not exactly, but not just a hook-up either.”

“Friends with benefits?”

“You don’t have to be such a scientist all the time, not everything has to fit into a neat category. Sometimes we ended up sleeping in the same bed if she’d had one of her episodes and if we happened to wake up around the same time, well you know how I can be in the mornings.” She scowls at his raised eyebrow. “It’s not like she needed to be persuaded, often as not it was her waking me up.”

“Would that happen a lot?”

She snorts, “do you want to know what we did between the sheets as well?”

“I’m trying to get an idea of what she had to give up.”

“Hmm, I never thought of it like that. You’re saying she was forced to quit Miki cold turkey.”

Hisao nods. “So how long… no, instead of me firing questions at you, why don’t you just tell me about it?”

“One of the things about Suzu is that even though she comes across as bubbly and outgoing, she’s really jittery when she’s not around people she trusts. Her first few weeks here were rough, I could see she was on edge all the time and when it got too much for her she’d seize up.”

“Yeah, catalepsy is often found in narcoleptics.”

Miki looks at him in amusement, “done your research then? And there was me dumbing it down for your benefit. Thanks to Nurse’s meddling I ended up looking out for her, saved her from a nasty tumble down the hill one time when some idiot let off a firecracker as we were going shopping. Things were on the up after that, she relaxed around me and started to make other friends. She rarely has problems with her catalepsy these days, just with her never-ending battle to stay awake.”

Hearing her voice turn angry he gives her a surprised look, to which she reacts by saying, “it’s not fair Hisao, she’s smart and works damn hard when she can, but she doesn’t get taken seriously. Even some of the teachers treat her like she’s lazy. Fuckers should know better than that.”

“So you became Suzu’s hero and she blossomed into a social butterfly,” he prompts.

“Butterflies metamorphosize science boy! But yeah, thing settled down and it turned out that she’s quite the cuddler. Which was pretty uncomfortable to be honest.”

“Really?! Most of the time we’re together we’re touching. Was it because she’s another girl?”

“That didn’t bother me, it’s just that I wasn’t used to it. We weren’t big into that sort of thing at home. And I was still getting used to this,” she holds up her stump. “It’s hard to be angry when there’s an adorable snuggle bunny wrapped ‘round you, but I wasn’t ready to stop being angry. She’s persistent though, wore me down in the end, ended up being the best friend I ever had. And more.”

She pushes Hisao onto his back and lies next to him, both of them staring up at the ceiling, hands entwined. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget the first morning she woke me up with kisses. It just felt so natural, no hesitation, friends expressing their affection. That’s pretty much how it’s been until we got together. I had a few attempts at dating other people but when the fuckers screwed up she would be there, usually with a ‘told you so’, always with a warm bed.”

Hisao rolls onto his side so he can look at her face. “Did she ever date anyone?” When she shakes her head he asks, “don’t you think she sees you as more that a friend? Even a really close, affectionate friend?”

Miki shakes her head again. She searches for the words to clarify the nature of their relationship for what seems to be an age before she gives up. “Hisao,” she groans, “why is this so easy to understand but so difficult to explain?”

“OK I trust that you know even if you can’t say. I think I understand what you meant about her feeling left out now. I guess what we’ve got is different to the screw-ups.”

“It’s very similar to what me and Suzu have.”

“Which means that you’re not likely to be back in her bed any time soon.” Hisao finds it hard to interpret the expression that appears on her face. “You really care for her, don’t you?”

“Yeah, even though there’s times when I want to kick her arse. I wish I knew what I should do to help with this,” she gestures towards Suzu.

“Maybe we should try and find someone to help her with those Miki-withdrawal symptoms?”

She sits up straight and gives him an incredulous look. “Once you go stump, ain’t no-one else you wanna hump.” When he starts laughing she thumps him and says, “don’t you be dissing my best line!”

“What does ‘go stump’ even mean?!”

Putting on a pair of joggers she replies, “help me take her to her room and if you’re lucky, when we get back you just might find out…”

“I’ll give her ‘resting is training’,” Hisao grumbles to himself as he arrives back at Yamaku, laden with Aura Mart’s finest snacks. The grounds are quiet, most students hiding from the heat, allowing a head of sea-green hair to stand out. Deciding that Miki can wait he walks over to where Suzu is sitting in the sun, looking perky in a knee length, mustard yellow sundress with spaghetti straps.

“Hey Suzu, I thought you didn’t like being out in the sun?”

She shakes her head, “no, well yes, but no. Sunlight helps keep the sleepies away, I feel energised!”

Hisao laughs as he sits next to her. “Who knew that narcoleptics photosynthesise?”

“I’m not a plant!” Feigning indignation she slaps him, then joins in the laughter as she hugs his arm.

“You might not be a plant, but you are a cuddler.”

She pouts. “I figured you can’t be that bad if Miki keeps you around.”

“Suzu approves of Miki and Miki approves of Hisao, therefore Suzu approves of Hisao.”

Suzu almost doubles up in laughter. “That excruciating homeroom lecture from Mutou!” She does her best to impersonate his voice. “ ’When you have, umm, relations with someone the law of transitivity means you are having relations with everyone they have had relations with, so use a prophylactic.’ I was so confused.“

He looks at her slyly, “by that logic, we’ve had relations.”

“She told you about that? She’s normally very closed mouth about her conquests.” She sounds wistful.

“You’re hardly a conquest! Her oldest and best friend? She didn’t say a lot, but enough to know that I wouldn’t be with her if it wasn’t for you.”

She nods ruefully. “She was angry, scary, when I first knew her. We hung out but we weren’t exactly friends until the day a car backfired and I had a seizure. I thought I was on a one way trip down the hill until she saved me. She was like a super-hero, suddenly there out of nowhere. Soon as I could move again I threw my arms around her.”

“Like an adorable snuggle bunny!”

She laughs, “is that what she said? I don’t think she thought so at the time, she tried to push me off but I wasn’t going anywhere! It was like hugging a snowman, she was so rigid and cold, though that didn’t put me off. I felt safe when I was around her and safest with my arms around her. Took a long time but she loosened up, thawed, just like Nurse said she would.”

Hisao looks surprised. “Miki said it was down to Nurse’s meddling that she was there to catch you.”

“He’s a tricksy one alright!”

He puts his free hand over one of her’s. “I know we’re not that close so tell me if I’m being intrusive. The most important person in my life is worried about the most important person in her life, I’d like to help if I can.“

She leans her head on his shoulder. “You’re a good person Hisao, I feel close to you even though I don’t know you so well.”

“The transitive law again?” When she nods he sighs. “I don’t get you two. She said that your relationship is easy to understand but hard to explain, you’re saying we’re close but we don’t know each other.”

She giggles, “science boy wants everything wrapped up neatly.”

“She calls me that too! Don’t answer this if it’s too personal. She said that you were always there for her after she’d had a fling but you never dated anyone. Why not?”

“There’s a couple of factors I suppose. Of course there are people I think are hot but I’m not comfortable being behind closed doors with anyone until I know them well enough to trust them. The downside to that is I either friend-zone them or find something about them that annoys me. Or they aren’t into me.”

“So it’s just that things haven’t work out? It’s not that you’re hung up on Miki?” he presses.

“You weren’t lying when you said it was going to be personal! That’s not the right question, not to mention that you haven’t defined ‘hung up’…”

“Miki told me you were smart, I should’ve listened to her. Sorry Suzu.”

She nods. “Don’t worry about it. What you want to know is, ‘are you going to take Miki back?’ ”

“If you wanted her back I don’t think there’s anything I could do about it.”

“Hisao, listen. No-one has Miki. I can’t take her, you can’t give her. Those other people wanted to keep her, she found that intolerable and came back to me. She wants to be with you right now, if I tried to get between the two of you she’d brush me out of the way without even noticing.”

“Do you know why she wants to be with me? I’ve never understood and it makes even less sense after hearing how she talks about you.”

“You’re asking me instead of her? Really? I don’t know. My only piece of advice when it comes to Miki is let her be herself, the second you try and push your expectations onto her you’ll be dumped so fast you won’t know what hit you.”

“OK. I think I know what I really want to ask you. Do you have a problem with me and Miki being together? And do you want to be with her?”

“I’m not at all sad that you’re together, I think you’re great for each other. On the other hand I would be very sad if I never got with Miki again, but given how she is that could only happen if you two broke up. That would make me sad because I feel close to you and breaking up would hurt you. Unless…” She shakes her head. “Anyway, it’s a bit of a tangle and the only thing I’m sure of is that once you go stump-” she claps her hands over her mouth and blushes fiercely.

A sudden realisation hits Hisao. “You weren’t sleeping, were you?! Here’s you handing down the wisdom of the ages when not twenty-four hours ago you pulled a stunt like that!”

She giggles. “I’m a teenage girl, I don’t have to be consistent!”

“What possessed you to do it in the first place?”

“Miki hit the nail on the head, I’m feeling a bit left out. You two have great energy and I feel close to both of you, so of course I want us to spend time together.”

“So why didn’t you just say something? You could’ve invited us for a meal or something?”

“Like I said, I’m a teenage girl, you can’t expect me to think of something obvious like that! But seriously, you’ve been so wrapped up in each other it’s been hard to get either of you to notice that anyone else exists.”

Hisao rolls his eyes. “Come on, let’s go and deliver these snacks. I can hear her stomach rumbling from here.”

Hisao knocks on Miki’s door and calls, “snack time!”

“It’s open.”

“You’ve got a visitor.”

“Oh right. Give me a second.” When she opens the door she is wearing the same style dress as Suzu, though her’s is in baby blue.

Suzu giggles, “that was a fun shopping trip! It took a lot of persuading to get you to buy that.”

“I’ve hardly worn it, I knew I shouldn’t have let you bully me into getting it.”

“It’s fine, you need to have a sundress in your wardrobe.”

“Yeah I don’t have a wardrobe, I have clothes that I need to get my money’s worth from.”

“Going by the look on Hisao’s face, I’d say you’ve got your money’s worth!”

“You have to admit she looks stunning in it.”

As Miki pulls him into an affectionate hug, Suzu looks down at her own dress. “She does have a sizable pair of advantages over me. It looks good on me too, right?”

“Very cute, princess.”

“As much as I’m enjoying this fashion parade ladies, snacks!”

Miki empties the bag that Hisao brought with him onto her desk. “What took you so long anyway? I practically died of starvation!”

“I bumped into Suzu and we had a chat. She’s got something she wants to say to you.”

“Hisao, I was working up to that!” Seeing an enquiring look from Miki she continues, “um… apologies are in order. I didn’t actually fall asleep the last couple of nights, I just didn’t want to be on my own.”

“Apparently we’ve been a bit…self-absorbed recently.”

Miki looks at him in amusement, “well you’ve resisted my attempts to wear you out. You,” she points a half-eaten Pocky at Suzu for emphasis, “should know better. Since when was there anything we couldn’t talk about?”

“Since I never see you!”

Miki nods guiltily. “Point taken, I’ve never had a distraction last this long before. We’ll do some stuff, just you and me, catch up properly.”

“I’m not going to say no to that, but I don’t want Hisao to be left out in the cold.” She walks over to him, stands on her tiptoes and kisses him on the cheek. “We’ve got an understanding.”

He shrugs at Miki’s surprised look. “Law of transitivity.”

Her eyes suddenly go wide. “I wasn’t going to bother taking you back to your room yesterday, you were impossible to wake the other other night, and things got pretty wild in here…”

“I wouldn’t have minded!” Suzu giggles.

“Suzu!” They chorus, shocked.

“What? It’s alright for you two, I’m not getting any. It would’ve been a better show than the usual joyless efforts you see.”

“We’re not your personal peepshow!”

“I don’t see what’s so bad about being a bit less uptight.”

“You know I’m not like that.“

“Yeah, serial monogamy is your middle name. But look at the three of us, any pairing would be pretty much perfect. What would be wrong in trying out a more… extended arrangement?”

“I’ll tell you what happens when shit like that goes down,” Miki snarls. “Your mother goes from being a beautiful, confident woman to a neurotic mess, starving herself to ‘get her figure back’ so he’ll bother to look at her once in a while. Your father stops being the warm, loving man who is never too tired to play with you, who tells you that the cookies you burned the fuck out of are delicious. He turns into the bastard I didn’t see for three days after this happened,” she points at her stump. “Said he was abroad on a business trip, but in reality fucking his boyfriend in a shitty hotel was far more important than being there for me.”

Suzu hugs her tightly and Hisao enfolds them both in his arms. “You should have told me, you didn’t have to cope with that on your own. No wonder you were so distant when I first knew you. Don’t even think about going back to being cold, scary Miki, I won’t let you!”

Miki laughs through her tears and kisses Suzu on the head. “You cuddled the pain out of me, princess. But you understand where I’m coming from now, right?”

“History doesn’t have to repeat itself Miki,” Suzu says gently. “Our situation is completely different to your parents’. That was one person deciding to go outside the family, we would be bringing one extra into the family. It’s not one person satisfying his selfish desires, it’s three people choosing to share.”

“Hisao, you’ve been very quiet. Tell her she’s being crazy.”

Rubbing his eyes he says, “this is going to sound selfish after what you’ve just told us. I’m scared that my time is running out and it’ll be me having to quit Miki cold turkey. You can’t tell me it’s not a possibility.” Her look tells him all. “That’s not OK, I’m not ready for this to end–I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to lose you.” He takes a deep breath, “but it might be OK to share you.”

“You’re both fucking crazy!” She stands up and paces around her room, clearly agitated. Abruptly she turns her back on them. “Get out. I can’t look at either of you right now.”

“Mik-” Hisao breaks off as Suzu grabs his arm and gives him a warning shake of her head. He follows her out of Miki’s room and closes the door gently.

Miki runs. It is not the usual effortless, almost meditative, exercise she loves so much; she is running angry. Her anger at Hisao and Suzu has turned in on herself as she thinks of the times she has gone back to Suzu smelling of someone else’s perfume, someone else’s after-shave. She hates that she is becoming her father’s daughter; she hates that she might be doing to Suzu what he did to her mother.

“History doesn’t have to repeat itself…”

She knows that she is not strong enough to make a clean cut, the wound that will hurt Suzu and Hisao the most but will let them heal the fastest. Thinking of it made her sick to her stomach, stumbling across the track in response to the violent reaction it caused. Besides, her phantom pains have taught her that cutting something out of your life does not stop it hurting.

“… it’s three people choosing to share.”

She cannot understand how she can feel the same way about two different people, but knows that she does. She has a vision of rebounding between them, hurting both of them in turn, never finding satisfaction. She desperately wants to avoid this becoming reality.

“…we would be bringing one extra into the family.”

She thinks of how Yamaku has redefined her understanding of family; not the accident of your birth but the people who care for you, who look out for you, who complete you. She has seen many family units emerge: Hanako and Lilly, Emi and Rin, Shizune and Misha. Her and Suzu, and now her and Hisao.

She falls to the track, exhausted at last, heedless of the concerned cries from the bleachers. History will not repeat itself. She opens her eyes and sits up, seeing, as she knew she would, Hisao and Suzu running towards her. When they are kneeling next to her, one on each side, she gathers them into a hug. “I think we have a lot to talk about…”