Home

She sits on her bed with tears running down her face, finally expressing the feelings that have been threatening to overwhelm her for what seems like an age. Despite being alone in the house she does not abandon herself to her emotions: there are tears but nothing more. Even so the friends she left behind would be shocked to see her facade of confidence and tranquility in tatters.

’This is not home, I was a fool to think it could be. They do not know me, how could they? I do not know them either, we spend almost as little time together as we did when we were half a world apart. I should have noticed the warning signs when we travelled back to meet our aunt, Father was never home and by the end of our visit Mother was becoming impatient with having to accommodate me. I was too eager to believe we could be a family again.’

’Everything here is so alien, the food, the culture, the people. We have no shared frame of reference, no common experiences. The ones I meet regularly are very friendly, they try to include me but although we speak the same language I don’t understand what they’re saying. I’ve tried but I’m lonely. There, I admitted it. And it is not just the loneliness. I feel useless, no-one needs me. Overnight I went from the centre of a community to being the unfortunate foreign girl. I hear pity in their voices and it angers me, I wish I could rage and scream at them instead of smiling politely.’

’I want to go back. It is not a failure if you try but do not succeed, if you endure but reach your limit. It is only my pride which is making this hard. Well, that and not wanting to leave Akira. She has adapted far better than I, Father is working her relentlessly and I suppose the culture of business is international to some extent. She will be fine without me and we would still meet quite regularly, she says Father intends her to be some sort of international trouble-shooter for the business so she will visit Japan often.’

’I must be more careful this time though, make sure I’m not fleeing a tiger at the front gate only to find a wolf at the back. Hanako tells such wonderful tales of her life, I knew she would become a strong and confident woman but I did not expect it to happen so quickly! Would she welcome me back or does she think of me as part of the old life she has outgrown? Can I depend on her benevolence to help me find a way to return? She was always willing to assist me before though it was with small things like shopping. This would be a significant reversal of how it was between us but I think I can rely on her, I think she would like to show me that she can be my senior. Can I admit my weakness to her? Damn my stupid pride of course I can! She does not need to be protected from my failings, opening up to her can only strengthen our friendship. But if it does not? Well it would mean that I never knew her and I do not believe I am such a poor judge of character.’

She wipes the tears from her face, takes out her phone and dials a familiar number. “Hanako dearest, it is so good to speak to you. I owe you an apology for being evasive about my life here, I think it is about time that I tell you the full story. But before that I have a favour to ask: will you help me put right the biggest mistake I’ve ever made? Yes, I want to come h-home.”